Alexander Woollcott

Quotes

• “The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.”
• “Once in pre-war days, when curiously-bonneted women drivers were familiar sights at the taxi-wheels, I cried out to one in my dismay: "Is there no speed limit in this mad city?""Oh, yes, monsieur," she answered sweetly over her shoulder, "but no one has ever succeeded in reaching it."”
• “All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.”
• “At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.”
• “I've never had the impertinence to be sorry for Helen Keller. I'd as soon be sorry for Niagara Falls. But now as I bring the story up to date, I'm shriveled with shame when I recall that at times in my life — my easy life — I've actually been sorry for myself. You too? We've got our nerve, haven't we?”
• “I have no need of your God-damned sympathy. I only wish to be entertained by some of your grosser reminiscences.”

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